A Universal Struggle: Mental health and how it affects all men in society

All was quiet in the mountains of Albuquerque, New Mexico when Braden Appelhans asked his mother, “Mom, when do you start to feel better? When am I finally going to turn the corner?”

Mental health struggles can affect anyone, anywhere, at almost any time.

Regardless of occupation, age, or race, there are people everywhere who suffer. But for the many people who struggle, not many are seen. And of this abundance of people, many are men.

More women in the United States received mental health services than men did in 2021.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the suicide rate among males in 2021 was about four times higher than the rate among females; 38,358 male suicides compared to 9,825 female suicides in that year alone.

In addition, suicide rates increased 37% within males between 2000-2018 and decreased just 5% between 2018-2020.

But mental health disease doesn’t always lead to suicide within men; many live with their struggles.
Men are often not heard or seen talking about their mental health, which can worsen their situations. In many cultures, stereotypes depict men as strong, tough, providers who must not show signs of weakness. Many men see merely talking about their mental health as a “weakness,” and it is being taught at a very young age.

Men may start to seek help when it comes to their mental health as family and friends encourage them to speak up and treat it. The door begins to open for more mental health issues as men develop a safe space with counselors, said Christi Brown, a therapist at Kingdom Kounsel and counselor at Baton Rouge Youth Coalition.

“[Men] are the ones who are most researched,” said Brown. “They’re more closed off and only address things on a superficial level due to pain and trust, so you must acknowledge that you see them in order for them to cut through the noise.”

Appelhans, a college athlete in New Mexico, is one of the lucky ones, as his mother, Dana, supported him through struggles since the age of four, when he was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and anxiety. But like it is for many male athletes especially, mental health struggles are unexpected from the fans and the general public, and sometimes unexpected by themselves, which makes it even harder for male athletes to talk about their struggles.

But being nervous is a common mantra among almost all men when it comes to talking about their emotional pain. For the sake of athletes, Louisiana state Sen. Cleo Fields proposed a bill that “requires that each city, parish, or other local public school board and each postsecondary education institution provide at least one mental health counselor for all high school and college student athletes.” Senator Fields’ bill aims to have a professional on-site dedicated to talking to students about mental health.

“I’m trying to improve the lives of student athletes,” Fields said during a press conference at the Press Club of Baton Rouge. “We cheer and clap for athletes when they do well, and when they don’t do so well, sometimes we get so caught up into the moment that many times we boo them, or we say things to them that we shouldn’t,” the Baton Rouge Democrat said. “We don’t really know the effects that can have on student athletes.”

But Senator Fields’ bill can help more than just student athletes for the sake of being athletes. There are over 400 high schools in the Louisiana High School Athletic Association, and 26 colleges and universities governed by the NCAA, NAIA and NJCAA. In the end, student athletes are people, and the mental health resources provided are meant to help them as more than just student athletes.

Many of these student athletes come from different backgrounds and different walks of life. And different races and ethnicities face their own struggles when it comes to mental health, and face them in different ways.

In today’s society, these differences are stark.

Particularly within the Black community, the stigma surrounding mental health in Black culture usually leads to silence and avoidance of seeking help. This hesitancy to address mental health concerns can make the problem worse and lead to serious consequences.

A National Center for Health Statistics study shows that Black men are 33% less likely to seek mental health treatment compared to their white counterparts, despite facing similar rates of mental health disorders.
The societal pressure to appear strong and resilient, coupled with historical and systemic barriers to accessing quality mental health care, add to this disparity. The history of systemic racism in healthcare, coming from discriminatory practices like a syphilis study coined as the “Tuskegee Experiment,” and the unequal access to medical resources in mostly Black communities, has caused a lack of trust of healthcare institutions.

Cultural factors play a huge role in how Black men look for mental health support. Historically, the Black community has relied heavily on church and spiritual leaders as sources of emotional guidance and support. The church often serves as a pillar of strength and solace, offering counseling, prayer, and support networks.
Although spiritual assistance can be a great addition to mental health care, it's important that it adds to instead of replacing professional therapy approaches. Addressing the mental health needs of Black men requires a multifaceted approach that acknowledges the interconnection of social, historical, and cultural factors.

For generations, the church has served as a refuge for Black people and their families. Within this context, the church plays a central role in shaping attitudes and perceptions about mental health. Religious teachings usually emphasize the power of prayer, faith, and spiritual guidance to overcome personal struggles. As a result, prayer and spiritual practices are taught to be the primary solution for their mental health challenges.

In addition, members of the LGBTQ community feel no different when it comes to experiencing the weight of society’s pressure on masculinity. Brown, the Baton Rouge therapist, said LGBTQ members can deal with discrimination from family and the public. They still require love, trust, connection and identity, Brown said.
When LSU student Matthew Pellittieri told his Roman Catholic relative that he was gay, he was told to join the priesthood. Growing up in Catholic, private schools and the youngest of five children, Pellittieri feels disappointed in his family’s beliefs.

“You'll hear people say, ‘I love you no matter what.’ Which that statement in itself implies that they're having to look past something, and that's not comforting,” Pellittieri said.
He remembers the exact date he came out to another family member, his mom. It was Feb. 5, 2024, just short of two months when Pellittieri sat down to talk about his experience as a member of the LGBTQ community.

His mom had been helping him find a new therapist, so she went along with him to a consultation. When the therapist kept asking about his love life, Pellittieri kept trying to move on to the next subject, which his mom noticed. The consultation ended, and she confronted him in the car where he officially came out to her after dropping hints for years. He was met with love but not support.

Pellittieri agrees that men’s mental health can often go unnoticed. He believes the “American dream” lens of what men should be has negatively impacted society’s treatment of male emotion.
“There's the American Dream type idea of a man,” Pellittieri said. “That is somebody who doesn't show motion and who works through the pain in order to achieve their—you know, pull themselves up by the bootstraps.”

But for every man that struggles with mental health, there is almost always a woman that feels the repercussions of his struggles.

Women are diagnosed with serious mental health conditions at a higher rate than men, with a ratio of seven to four. However with the build up of emotions and not talking about it, men are resulting in anxiety, anger, and depression leading to suicides or other harmful acts.

“[You] must acknowledge that you see them,” said Brown.

As providers, lovers and companions, you have to help men express themselves, said Brown. Most men are under attack and have heavy burdens, she said. You will not get passed level one with men if you don’t acknowledge that you see them, said Brown.

The most important factors in helping a male maintain [their] mental health are environment, nurturement, authenticity, connection and knowledge, she said. You must see what they see, feel what they feel, said Brown.

“Authenticity is the most important factor that we must pay attention to when it comes to men,” said Brown.

Environment, nurturement and authenticity were all qualities for Dana Appelhans when helping her son, Braden, through his battle with depression. Now, he is in a better place with his mental health, and in a position where he can help others.

On Feb. 28, he took his story to both Instagram and X (formerly Twitter), which caught the attention of millions.

“It’s been way more than I expected. I didn’t expect to get millions of views on my Twitter post,” Braden said. “All these DMs I’ve been getting are great.”

It is possible to come out on the other side. With a good support system, a proper initiative and a vision for something better, anxiety, depression, and more can be conquered.

For Braden, the time he was looking for when things would get better, when he would finally turn the corner, is in sight. And with a similar drive to his, and a support system similar to his, the same is possible.